Lately, I have been feeling quite weird.. And honestly, I don't know if it's my hormones playing some twisted tricks on me or if there's something REAL hiding beneath the mix of emotions and feelings that have been consuming me and eating me alive, and burying me under the dirt... I feel like my heart is shattered between two very distinct emotions -Anger & Hurt-.. I'm the kind of person who gets more hurt than angry, as if I had mastered the art of channeling all of my anger into hurt.. which I could live easily without..
I just find it not fair that people cut you out of their lives in a blink of an eye as if you have never mattered, as if you have never been important to them, as if you were as relevant as a lamp.. I know I've come up with better similes in my life but right now I'm in a state where I just want to break something and yell and scream but beneath it all, I just want to cry..
[....].. Alright, I'm back at writing this post after leaving for a few days macerating, longing for inspiration or just the guts to get it all off my chest.
This is my first genuinely sad/ mad post of the year and I don't feel like ruining all of the happiness or puncturing of all the being jovial kind of mood. I just feel like everything I want to say and get out of my chest is stuck between my lips and my tongue. I feel agonizingly and ridiculously and just oddly (if that's a word) hurt, in the angriest way possible, if this making any sense... And as naked as I feel for saying everything that I feel and putting in on a blog.. I just have to, because I know that if I don't, I might just explode, and we all know that exploding doesn't sound so good, or does it.
I just can't seem to figure out people, just like a dear friend of mine said 'It's crazy how wrong you can be about someone', you just get this image of someone, and it's almost as if you idolize them and you care about them, and they're constantly there for you, talking to you and then you get this striking realization, an epiphany because you feel like they're starting to drift away from you, and you just get mad, but honestly, at who? and am I even making any sense right now? I probably don't.
.. I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting to think that actually, loneliness is the only way for me not to go nuts and to put an end to this never ending twisted and lugubrious cycle of being hurt all over and over and over again. Seriously, I don't remember myself being this mad or disappointed in someone... I'm agonizing(ish), I feel pity and loathing and I don't even think if there are enough words to describe how I feel. I can't even make the difference between anger and hurt, the words that I'm putting into the song that I'm writing at this very moment show a more vulnerable side and aspect of the whole situation. I'm pretty sure that my post stopped making sense an hour ago..
To whoever is reading this,
Have a great day,
Invisible (but mostly angry) girl.
I just find it not fair that people cut you out of their lives in a blink of an eye as if you have never mattered, as if you have never been important to them, as if you were as relevant as a lamp.. I know I've come up with better similes in my life but right now I'm in a state where I just want to break something and yell and scream but beneath it all, I just want to cry..
[....].. Alright, I'm back at writing this post after leaving for a few days macerating, longing for inspiration or just the guts to get it all off my chest.
This is my first genuinely sad/ mad post of the year and I don't feel like ruining all of the happiness or puncturing of all the being jovial kind of mood. I just feel like everything I want to say and get out of my chest is stuck between my lips and my tongue. I feel agonizingly and ridiculously and just oddly (if that's a word) hurt, in the angriest way possible, if this making any sense... And as naked as I feel for saying everything that I feel and putting in on a blog.. I just have to, because I know that if I don't, I might just explode, and we all know that exploding doesn't sound so good, or does it.
I just can't seem to figure out people, just like a dear friend of mine said 'It's crazy how wrong you can be about someone', you just get this image of someone, and it's almost as if you idolize them and you care about them, and they're constantly there for you, talking to you and then you get this striking realization, an epiphany because you feel like they're starting to drift away from you, and you just get mad, but honestly, at who? and am I even making any sense right now? I probably don't.
.. I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting to think that actually, loneliness is the only way for me not to go nuts and to put an end to this never ending twisted and lugubrious cycle of being hurt all over and over and over again. Seriously, I don't remember myself being this mad or disappointed in someone... I'm agonizing(ish), I feel pity and loathing and I don't even think if there are enough words to describe how I feel. I can't even make the difference between anger and hurt, the words that I'm putting into the song that I'm writing at this very moment show a more vulnerable side and aspect of the whole situation. I'm pretty sure that my post stopped making sense an hour ago..
To whoever is reading this,
Have a great day,
Invisible (but mostly angry) girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment