Anger In Disguise..

These days, I honestly find myself unable to make the difference between my actual feelings and what my hormones claim to be 'feelings'.. It's like they were all cereals and all of them were poured in one bowl and I couldn't make the difference between each type of cereal.. which leads to the fact I can't make the difference now... 

And even though I feel like I've already come up with better metaphors, the only thing my mind can think about is how it all started from being hurt... My hurting was like a bud being nurtured with sorrow and despair, and when I least saw it coming, it all turned into madness and anger. 

I just can't seem to understand mankind.. I can't seem to understand myself. I'm so confused, I feel like this is the pinnacle of confusion. If there was an award given to the most confused people, I'd get this award in no time because I know, I can feel it in my guts that I am no longer going to remain kind and sweet and nice because being all that didn't get me far.. Maybe the anger is talking right now.. Maybe that I don't even mean what I'm saying at this very moment, but maybe this is the most logical thing I can get out of my brain right now.

Despite my very ice-berg-ish and calm looks, I feel like I am on my fire, I feel like I'm hiding a volcano underneath my skin and it wasn't going to take long for it to explode and God knows that if it actually happens, the lava would be my words who will hurt many people... I can't even seem to recognize myself in these words, this is not me.. this is what anger made me like, and I'm not okay with it. 

I deeply feel like, if my case had to be treated in a court, I know for a fact that it'd be throw out of court because I have no plausible evidence of why I was mad.. or maybe yes I do have one and it's not making any sense why I'm angry at this very, precise, moment.

It just hurts when a person acts as if she cared and promises you she'll be around, but then the time you open your eyes, that person just stops caring and is not there anymore and somehow you manage to let it all in.. And I, as a human being, as a person with actual feelings, think that the whole phenomenon of people leaving you and you getting hurt and then angry is so normal yet so strange to me... My brain cannot seem to let it sink in. 

I just guess that despite all of my external wounds, my heart was the one who was hurting and I was tired of the pain.

CASE DISMISSED.