Precocious Death...

As a matter of a fact, I pretty much had messed up every relationship I've ever had... I either say something wrong, do something totally inappropriate and God knows that I don't do it on purpose... I think I just added a name on the list of people I lost... And that literally sucks because.... there's no reason why it sucks but somehow it does.. I decided to finally blog about whatever I want without holding back because that was Me... Renaissance Me... The brand new me, in a plastic bag and all... but maybe I hadn't realized that this plastic bag was suffocating me and it wasn't going to take long for it to asphyxiate me and die.... Motive : Urge to become someone... new?

It really sucks when you stare at a blank page for more than an hour without knowing what to say because your brain was over-heating...

Throughout the whole process of changing, I had lost myself along the way... And I had no idea where to go. I was out of fuel. In the middle of a highway. And my guts were telling me to run in any direction but my brain was telling me to stay there and to wait... My brain was disconnected from my body and I still couldn't find the wire that was broken... Maybe that I had taken it too fast.. None of those thoughts were positive and my heart was telling me to be scared, because as much as I wanted to deny it, I’ve never felt so creeped out...

This traffic jam of thoughts was crashing my world and I fear that it was going to take a long time for it to be fixed... Maybe it was time for me to get the hell out of the car and finish this journey by feet, even if I had to draw blood... okay, I should stop using hyperboles... I was not only mentally tired, but I was physically sick.. I barely even sleep at night... If my life had an escape button, I would have taken the day off... I mean, the rest of the night.

ll that I know right now is that I'm going through one of the most difficult dilemmas in my whole life.. Maybe that the Stone Age Me, made me who I am.. maybe that I didn't need a make-over or a Renaissance, what I needed was to embrace myself..

.. and as far as I was concerned I had already killed and buried the old me, a precocious death at its finest... it was time to take a shovel and unbury myself. It was about time to get dirty. 

--Invisible girl.