It was 4:30 in the morning and I was tossing and turning, unable to find sleep... Stuck between my role as a daughter and as someone who was dying to just burst into tears... But no, I had to be strong. Dusk had fallen.. or was more accurately about to fall and I was still laying in bed, contemplating the situation that I was in, with disgust and despise... I had to smile.
... I didn't know how I was supposed to feel regarding it.. as usual me and I've done nothing.. just blogged about it... There was no one I could talk to, they were all soundly sleeping and I was confronted to myself for the first time. This is the first post that I'm writing while being genuinely... sad. Nights take over me most of the time. All I'm hearing right now is some dogs barking.. as I'm hearing myself thinking too clear... My head is spinning and I'm sitting in a room which dark was its principle element. I couldn't see nothing.. just a noose hanging... I don't know what to write about, I don't even know why I came here... I need to put those thoughts out. If I don't, I'll become insane... For sure...
.. I was thinking that throughout the whole process of growing up, I have developed a pathology that I like to call 'Fear Of Dating Pathology'... I'm not trying to sound like a drama queen but as cliché as it may seem.. It is probably due to some unresolved Daddy Issues.. except for the fact that I won't end up as a stripper... I hope not... As sad as this may seem, I've lost complete faith in marriage and love, at the moment. Every marriage that I have ever witnessed tumbled down... While listening to Sinatra's album Only The Lonely, tears trickled down my cheeks... and it, somehow, felt warm and relaxing... Sun was rising, and Slumberland had totally ditched me... Rude.
I had found myself in a situation where I didn't know how to react toward it... I got used to it.. Somehow.. And even though it still hurts like the first time, I had to convince myself that it was all going to be alright.. but I guess it wasn't.. Not this time.. I just want to wake someone up and talk to them but I won't because I'd be such a pain in the ass if I did... Topic change, going back to the FODP.. I guess that I just turned into this non-believer in anything, I don't believe in marriages because they just consume the person and I don't think I could ever take the risk of spending the rest of my life with someone who might not even be the one, that's a lame and lousy and quite cheesy argument but my logic works this way.. at 5:14.. I was torn, and my mind was somewhere while my heart was at the extreme opposite. I need to think this through before blogging about it...
I don't think that I have the heart to write about it, because as much as this voice inside of me was telling me to let it all out, my heart was telling me to shut up and to sleep.... Who should I follow..?
My heart.
Goodnight, or good morning, sleepy world..
Always yours,
--Invisible girl.
... I didn't know how I was supposed to feel regarding it.. as usual me and I've done nothing.. just blogged about it... There was no one I could talk to, they were all soundly sleeping and I was confronted to myself for the first time. This is the first post that I'm writing while being genuinely... sad. Nights take over me most of the time. All I'm hearing right now is some dogs barking.. as I'm hearing myself thinking too clear... My head is spinning and I'm sitting in a room which dark was its principle element. I couldn't see nothing.. just a noose hanging... I don't know what to write about, I don't even know why I came here... I need to put those thoughts out. If I don't, I'll become insane... For sure...
.. I was thinking that throughout the whole process of growing up, I have developed a pathology that I like to call 'Fear Of Dating Pathology'... I'm not trying to sound like a drama queen but as cliché as it may seem.. It is probably due to some unresolved Daddy Issues.. except for the fact that I won't end up as a stripper... I hope not... As sad as this may seem, I've lost complete faith in marriage and love, at the moment. Every marriage that I have ever witnessed tumbled down... While listening to Sinatra's album Only The Lonely, tears trickled down my cheeks... and it, somehow, felt warm and relaxing... Sun was rising, and Slumberland had totally ditched me... Rude.
I had found myself in a situation where I didn't know how to react toward it... I got used to it.. Somehow.. And even though it still hurts like the first time, I had to convince myself that it was all going to be alright.. but I guess it wasn't.. Not this time.. I just want to wake someone up and talk to them but I won't because I'd be such a pain in the ass if I did... Topic change, going back to the FODP.. I guess that I just turned into this non-believer in anything, I don't believe in marriages because they just consume the person and I don't think I could ever take the risk of spending the rest of my life with someone who might not even be the one, that's a lame and lousy and quite cheesy argument but my logic works this way.. at 5:14.. I was torn, and my mind was somewhere while my heart was at the extreme opposite. I need to think this through before blogging about it...
I don't think that I have the heart to write about it, because as much as this voice inside of me was telling me to let it all out, my heart was telling me to shut up and to sleep.... Who should I follow..?
My heart.
Goodnight, or good morning, sleepy world..
Always yours,
--Invisible girl.
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