Love has always been this thing I've been running from for quite a long time. It's like the whole love concept has been this garden where the walls were ultimately high and I don't think I've ever let anyone inside this garden because not all people have good intentions. You might get hurt. Your flowers can be damaged, right? Although I know this isn't neither the best argument or metaphor ever, I just figured that it's one way I would express my perspective of love. It's scary... and hazardous.
One of my all time favorite movies, which is 'Love Actually' taught me so many things. I could actually make a list, which is why I'm about to make one very soon. It taught me that love can be confusing, that it's a universal language, that love is amazing when shared, as well as unrequited love can be just as exhilarating (I honestly find unrequited love to be so pure) but it also taught me other things set apart from the whole rainbow and lovecrap I just listed above. For instance, it taught me (for a few years) that someone will actually come knocking at your door, looking for you and that this person is actually gonna sweep you off your feet... well that one is complete and utter BS.
The first line that the narrator, David, said is that love is all around the place, everywhere, wherever you look, you'll find love. I took this very curious yet "kind of hard to believe" idea and applied.. or at least tried to. That's what I've been doing for the past few years, always looking for love all around me and actually seeing it, or maybe I've been schizophrenic all along and seen things that are completely untrue.Talking that way, you must think that I have a whole gallery of ex-boyfriends, from who I got all those kind of ideas and thoughts when it comes love. Truth, from May, 30th 1997 to now, I've never had a boyfriend, ever. I could easily blame it on the fact that I put my guards up, or that I get scared or that I'm just not ready for love...
...But then there's this hopeless romantic girl inside of me, who doesn't come out very often, that a few people know about and that's the one who gets her heart broken when it comes to crushes and who writes songs about them. It's also the girl who likes to put guy's names in songs, that is if they're rhyme-able (I'm talking about a very -recent- specific case. The second line of the song goes like this 'Your eyes, they shine from a thousand miles, and I can't help but fall. Hint: the guy's name rhymes with 'fall'). It's also the girl who believes in love in such a passionate way that she sits there in her room day dreaming about real, pure, romantic, love. I know it might sound cliche and it might sound like love is over-rated but it really isn't. Love is wonderful... when shared or not. So you see, I always thought that romantic love was the only love that actually matters, but I learned with time and with experiences (crushes who never really liked you back) that there's nothing more real than unrequited love, because it's pure and you're not expecting anything from that other person, right? You love them for who they truly are.
On another level, you might be wondering how I could have learnt from love without dating or anything that comes with it, well here's what I have to say... you don't have to actually be with that person to be heart broken because when you start loving someone, you just do. You give them a piece of your heart even if they might know that. Your guitar knows about it, your heart knows about it, your blog knows about it, your closest friends know about it. Can there be any more proof how genuine this kind of love can be?
I just took a ten minute break because I genuinely started feeling a bit confused. It's just that you'll find people telling you 'Agh, forget about it, true love doesn't exist' or 'the more you search for love, the less you have chances to find it' and there are those other people who will tell you 'Go for it, go out there, and you'll find that significant other of yours'.. and this is where I get confused. They are so opposite and extreme that I'm completely losing it. They're both true and undeniably and agonizingly untrue at the same time. For instance, I know 'people' who are in love with each other and maybe they choose to put a veil on the love they have for each other, one of those people is actually a very dear friend of mine.
I really don't intend to be rude or judgmental, I just feel all kinds of emotion right now. There's this side of me who's all the time and relentlessly saying 'LOVE IS AMAZING AND MAGICAL AND BEAUTIFUL' and then there's other side of me who can't help but be reluctant when it comes to love. Here's why :
First of all, I always have this fear that people are going to leave, somehow or get uninterested because guys have this very odd tendency to change their minds and get bored, which is not something very healthy in all kinds of relationships. I saw my 3 year old friendship with my best friend crash down and my heart was broken and I suffered so much and every time I think about it, I can hear my heart audibly sink. I never told anyone about it, how much it hurt me, how much I've cried about it or how much it kills me, still to this day. I feel like I'm getting out of topic, but I'll carry on, anyway.
I feel like I'm losing a friend right now.. not quite losing but like there's some kind of distance establishing itself and rudely barging in and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Maybe it's something that I do that pushes people to do that. Maybe I'm too sensitive, or this paranoia or more accurately 'fear' of losing people affects my judgement.
Maybe, I wrote all of this just to express how 'love' and all kinds of relationships scare the living chicken out of me. They're terrifying. Therefore, I think I'll keep the whole running from love thing as my motto...ish, at least for now. I just won't worry myself too much trying to answer this perpetual question.
Goodnight, beautiful and very skeptical world,
Always yours,
-Invisible Girl
One of my all time favorite movies, which is 'Love Actually' taught me so many things. I could actually make a list, which is why I'm about to make one very soon. It taught me that love can be confusing, that it's a universal language, that love is amazing when shared, as well as unrequited love can be just as exhilarating (I honestly find unrequited love to be so pure) but it also taught me other things set apart from the whole rainbow and love
The first line that the narrator, David, said is that love is all around the place, everywhere, wherever you look, you'll find love. I took this very curious yet "kind of hard to believe" idea and applied.. or at least tried to. That's what I've been doing for the past few years, always looking for love all around me and actually seeing it, or maybe I've been schizophrenic all along and seen things that are completely untrue.Talking that way, you must think that I have a whole gallery of ex-boyfriends, from who I got all those kind of ideas and thoughts when it comes love. Truth, from May, 30th 1997 to now, I've never had a boyfriend, ever. I could easily blame it on the fact that I put my guards up, or that I get scared or that I'm just not ready for love...
...But then there's this hopeless romantic girl inside of me, who doesn't come out very often, that a few people know about and that's the one who gets her heart broken when it comes to crushes and who writes songs about them. It's also the girl who likes to put guy's names in songs, that is if they're rhyme-able (I'm talking about a very -recent- specific case. The second line of the song goes like this 'Your eyes, they shine from a thousand miles, and I can't help but fall. Hint: the guy's name rhymes with 'fall'). It's also the girl who believes in love in such a passionate way that she sits there in her room day dreaming about real, pure, romantic, love. I know it might sound cliche and it might sound like love is over-rated but it really isn't. Love is wonderful... when shared or not. So you see, I always thought that romantic love was the only love that actually matters, but I learned with time and with experiences (crushes who never really liked you back) that there's nothing more real than unrequited love, because it's pure and you're not expecting anything from that other person, right? You love them for who they truly are.
On another level, you might be wondering how I could have learnt from love without dating or anything that comes with it, well here's what I have to say... you don't have to actually be with that person to be heart broken because when you start loving someone, you just do. You give them a piece of your heart even if they might know that. Your guitar knows about it, your heart knows about it, your blog knows about it, your closest friends know about it. Can there be any more proof how genuine this kind of love can be?
I just took a ten minute break because I genuinely started feeling a bit confused. It's just that you'll find people telling you 'Agh, forget about it, true love doesn't exist' or 'the more you search for love, the less you have chances to find it' and there are those other people who will tell you 'Go for it, go out there, and you'll find that significant other of yours'.. and this is where I get confused. They are so opposite and extreme that I'm completely losing it. They're both true and undeniably and agonizingly untrue at the same time. For instance, I know 'people' who are in love with each other and maybe they choose to put a veil on the love they have for each other, one of those people is actually a very dear friend of mine.
I just think that sometimes we subconsciously choose not to see the unconditional love we have for someone. On the other hand, I'm sure that once this love is unleashed and uncovered, we get absorbed and consumed by it.. and that is the most amazing feeling
I really don't intend to be rude or judgmental, I just feel all kinds of emotion right now. There's this side of me who's all the time and relentlessly saying 'LOVE IS AMAZING AND MAGICAL AND BEAUTIFUL' and then there's other side of me who can't help but be reluctant when it comes to love. Here's why :
First of all, I always have this fear that people are going to leave, somehow or get uninterested because guys have this very odd tendency to change their minds and get bored, which is not something very healthy in all kinds of relationships. I saw my 3 year old friendship with my best friend crash down and my heart was broken and I suffered so much and every time I think about it, I can hear my heart audibly sink. I never told anyone about it, how much it hurt me, how much I've cried about it or how much it kills me, still to this day. I feel like I'm getting out of topic, but I'll carry on, anyway.
I feel like I'm losing a friend right now.. not quite losing but like there's some kind of distance establishing itself and rudely barging in and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Maybe it's something that I do that pushes people to do that. Maybe I'm too sensitive, or this paranoia or more accurately 'fear' of losing people affects my judgement.
Maybe, I wrote all of this just to express how 'love' and all kinds of relationships scare the living chicken out of me. They're terrifying. Therefore, I think I'll keep the whole running from love thing as my motto...ish, at least for now. I just won't worry myself too much trying to answer this perpetual question.
Goodnight, beautiful and very skeptical world,
Always yours,
-Invisible Girl
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