Lesson Learned..

Throughout life, and through many experiences of mine, and after many times of getting hurt on a relentlessly basis, I finally came to the conclusion that caring is a double-edged weapon, you need to care, not too much but not, not care at all.. I guess I lost my balance and I started caring too much and I went straight and hit the wall and I can assure you that it hurts like hell..

It took me and my heart many wounds, unhealed for me to finally get the sign, I should stop caring that much and start saying how I feel because I'm fucking done with people taking me for granted, I feel so fucking angry and sad and my heart is breaking and I want an off button, now.. right now, at this very moment.. and I can't believe that I'm writing this on my blog, this shouldn't leave my mind but I guess this belongs to the process of me finally changing..

Although I only had fragments of images of what 'The Golden Age' would be like, I never imagined that -the pesky- pain would get in the way...

.. http://youtu.be/GSYnOeO5rdk and while I'm listening to this song, which is taking every ounce of focus I have, I can't help myself but relate, but this time I'm the one leaving, I guess.. was I even mad? was I finally channeling my hurt into anger? My head is spinning and it definitely is not the gas leak or the very doubtful lunch I had.. that was my heart letting the words flow and I could not control it.. 

Just as Vanna Bonta said : "Anger is a wound gone mad" 

..and I can remember when I first read it, I just ignored it and now the first thing that struck my mind was this quote, my wounds had gone mad and I'm wondering how many times it'll take for them to heal.. and you know why? words and actions.. those were exactly why my wounds totally lost balance.

People always say that actions speak louder than words, or maybe it's the other way around but not in my case, not only words, but also unsaid words totally wrecked me, somehow.. after being humiliated in front of 22 people and.. I don't even need to go on.. I'm just done being too nice, too caring and that's it. No matter how hard or late it is. You always learn your lesson... Well mine was learned and is sinking in at this moment..

Always yours,
-Invisible, heart broken and very angry girl.

PS : According to somebody, people are friends with me because they pity me and since my expectations are really lowered right now, I do not expect any of you to comfort me about this or anything, I'll do it on my own, this time..