Putting your guards up is like putting a veil on your face, something that is bulletproof, that keeps you and your feelings away from getting hurt. It is a cover, a shelter even a weapon that might be double-edged but it is one of the most useful weapons in the world. Many people tend to put their guards up, I guess that she just forgot to put hers. She had always put her guards up but I guess that she lost it along the way. She lost the key that causes people to withdraw and to become thick-skinned because as long as she was concerned, her skin was as thick as snow.. ready to melt down at any second, and it was scaring her and shaking her to the core.
Despite the whole bullcrap of getting hurt and all the blah blah blah that we all know, she had finally taken the decision to stop being so... fragile. Indeed, she was, and she never really took the time to analyze it but when she finally did, it hit her, it was the biggest realization of her life.
As she was combing back through her memory, she recalled that there was this period in her life back in the summer of 2012 where she was on her guards, so much, that she wouldn't let anybody in, she rejected the closest people to her heart and she cherished solitude and loneliness, but she had obviously messed up in the formula...
To make a long story short, she needed to go back to square one, and she didn't even know if she was talking out of anger or out of pure hurt, and she didn't know if she was talking because she realized how much of a fool she made of herself.. All she knew is that she was pretty tired and sick of always being 'That Girl'.. That girl who needs to be smothered, that girl who needs to be protected, that girl who's being pitied (if that's even a word).. she didn't want people to watch their words before talking to her and one thing she really could live without is letting people's words get to her...
this era was going down, once and for all.
that girl was me, and it was time for me to take some actions and although I have no idea why I'm blogging about it, I just need those words, that are coming of me like a volcano to be written down somewhere.. here for now, and later in a song, for sure..
..and out of those words that probably don't even align together, all I can think is : FAREWELL OLD ME.
PS : according to some people, I'm a bad person so don't be surprised if I just turn completely now that the damage is done. have yourself a fearful year.
Always yours,
Very angry, not invisible anymore, girl.
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